Saturday, the tenth of May 1980
In
accordance with the age old convention of “my house my rules”, these are the
by-laws as laid down by Alun Jones.
Actually
this is a note that he slid under the door to my bedroom while I was out at
work today. I got home and there it was, lying on the carpet just inside my
room, at first I thought someone cared enough to send me a letter.
1. Children
should be seen but not heard is just plain wrong. You shouldn’t be seen either.
Henceforth you will stay in your room unless invited to come down and join
civilized people. You have books, a TV, a stereo and more records than you know
what to do with, so there’s no excuse not to stay up there.
2. We
have a nice house full of nice things. But somehow you manage to make the place
look scruffy (consider as precedent the “blue-denim-stains-from-your-jeans-on-an-expensive-cream-leather-sofa”
incident). It’s a talent, I admit it. The only areas in the house you may enter
without permission are:
·
Your room
·
The attic bathroom
·
The Kitchen
·
The garage
3. Your
table manners are atrocious, and put others off their food. Because of this the
only time you are invited to eat with the rest of the family is Saturday
evening and Sunday lunch. It’s nothing personal – except that it is.
4. I am
surprised to find that someone with your lack of personal hygiene and
inter-personal skills has made friends of any sort, let alone started a
courtship! I congratulate you on finding a member of the opposite sex who,
quite obviously has such low standards that even you seem like an attractive
proposition. You will not, I repeat NOT, invite her up to your room for a
“coffee” (or whatever other euphemism you youngsters use these days). We all
know where that will lead to. And frankly, I don’t think you can support
yourself, let alone a wife/girlfriend and a baby!
5. WELL
DONE on finding a job. It’s such a pity that it’s only part-time. Still, I
suppose there is a recession on. If you want any help, say searching the
Evening Echo looking for a bedsit, feel free to let me know.
I
took the note to mum. She showed it to Alun. There was a blazing row.
Of
course.
In
the end Alun explained that it was a joke and that I had no sense of humour.
Mum sided with him.
So
it’s all my fault coz I can’t take a joke.
I
know when I’m not wanted.
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