Thursday, 8 March 2012

Saturday, the tenth of May 1980

In accordance with the age old convention of “my house my rules”, these are the by-laws as laid down by Alun Jones.

Actually this is a note that he slid under the door to my bedroom while I was out at work today. I got home and there it was, lying on the carpet just inside my room, at first I thought someone cared enough to send me a letter.

1.    Children should be seen but not heard is just plain wrong. You shouldn’t be seen either. Henceforth you will stay in your room unless invited to come down and join civilized people. You have books, a TV, a stereo and more records than you know what to do with, so there’s no excuse not to stay up there.

2.    We have a nice house full of nice things. But somehow you manage to make the place look scruffy (consider as precedent the “blue-denim-stains-from-your-jeans-on-an-expensive-cream-leather-sofa” incident). It’s a talent, I admit it. The only areas in the house you may enter without permission are:

·         Your room

·         The attic bathroom

·         The Kitchen

·         The garage

3.    Your table manners are atrocious, and put others off their food. Because of this the only time you are invited to eat with the rest of the family is Saturday evening and Sunday lunch. It’s nothing personal – except that it is.

4.    I am surprised to find that someone with your lack of personal hygiene and inter-personal skills has made friends of any sort, let alone started a courtship! I congratulate you on finding a member of the opposite sex who, quite obviously has such low standards that even you seem like an attractive proposition. You will not, I repeat NOT, invite her up to your room for a “coffee” (or whatever other euphemism you youngsters use these days). We all know where that will lead to. And frankly, I don’t think you can support yourself, let alone a wife/girlfriend and a baby!

5.    WELL DONE on finding a job. It’s such a pity that it’s only part-time. Still, I suppose there is a recession on. If you want any help, say searching the Evening Echo looking for a bedsit, feel free to let me know.

I took the note to mum. She showed it to Alun. There was a blazing row.

Of course.

In the end Alun explained that it was a joke and that I had no sense of humour. Mum sided with him.

So it’s all my fault coz I can’t take a joke.

I know when I’m not wanted.

No comments:

Post a Comment